Casefiles Unbound Episode One- Religious Trauma and Emotional Abuse:

There’s a part of me that still freezes when I speak the truth.A part that braces for the blowback, the backlash, the subtle punishments. She doesn’t want to be brave; she just doesn’t want to get in trouble.I woke up one morning gasping, panic racing through my chest. Absolutely terrified someone would be mad at me, or that I’d be punished for saying things I was never supposed to say. I ran to the bathroom, nearly throwing up from the fear.And yet…Here I am, telling the story anyway.Not because I feel fearless, far from it, but because I remember the girl who didn’t know how to name what was happening. I remember the wife who thought consent was something she owed. And I remember the version of me who believed being “worthy” meant staying silent.I’m telling this story for her.And I’m telling it for you: If you’re still stuck in the fog. If the control is quiet and the gaslighting is subtle. If the shame is wearing you down and you’re starting to doubt yourself.The Language of WorthinessIn Mormonism, worthiness isn’t just spiritual; it’s institutional. Members are taught to meet with their bishop regularly for worthiness interviews, starting as young as 12. These interviews involve personal questions about sexual behavior, thoughts, and compliance with church doctrine. The answers determine whether you can participate in sacred rituals like temple attendance.For women, worthiness is particularly tangled with purity. A girl raised in this system learns early that her value lies in modesty, obedience, and sexual restraint. If she “makes a mistake,” it’s her burden to confess, repent, and carry the shame quietly.I did what I was told. I went to the bishop. I told half-truths and swallowed the rest. I wore the white dress. I smiled for the photos. And underneath it all, I was screaming.Purity and CoercionThe line between obedience and violation gets blurry in high-demand religions. When you’re taught that your salvation depends on compliance, it’s easy to mistake coercion for love and guilt for guidance.Covert abuse hides in plain sight. It wraps itself in scripture. In marriage vows. In family portraits.It weaponizes goodness. It cloaks itself in love. So when we speak, it feels like we’re betraying something, but we’re not. We’re protecting the part of us that no one ever fought for.Why I’m Speaking NowYes, I’m scared. Scared of backlash. Scared of being disbelieved. Scared someone from my past will see this and be angry. But if someone had told my story back then, If someone had said these words out loud, If someone had said:“You don’t have to live like this.”Maybe I would’ve found my voice sooner. Maybe I would’ve seen the patterns for what they were. Maybe I could have gotten out without so much damage.This is why I’m telling my story now.For me. For her. And for you.🎧 Listen to the Full StoryThis story is part of Casefiles Unbound, a podcast exploring religious trauma, emotional abuse, and the invisible systems that keep us silent. In Episode One, I talk about the subtle manipulations that kept me trapped, the cost of being “worthy,” and the moment I began to unravel the lies.Your favorite gossips, Karly and Sarah This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit spellboundhealing.substack.com